A Euology For Customer Service

I've never considered myself a high maintenance person. I prefer to do things for myself. I carry my own groceries, pump my own gasoline and I favor the self-checkout (barring that unwitting customer in front of me in line that can't figure out how to scan their groceries of course). But when I have a problem that I rely on a customer service professional to solve . . . well, I find myself in the uncomfortably impotent position of asking for help.

I find this position particularly frightening because I know it won't go well. It never does.

Recently I had a run in with my bank. I received a letter that they needed a W-9 for my account. I had opened the account 4 years ago, but apparently there was something wrong with the paperwork - something unsigned or lost or something. (I've asked exactly what the problem was, and even though I was told perhaps the government did change my social security number and not tell me, I have yet to receive a credible answer.)

So I filled out the form and went to the bank where I was told it was a formality and it would all be taken care of without incident. Oh, and the interest the bank had forfeited that belonged to me - I'd be getting that back also. They were sorry for the inconvenience and no, they couldn't explain why I had received the letter the day before, why the dated letter had said I had 30 days to provide a w-9 or I would forfeit interest and interest had already been forfeited less than 10 days from the date of the letter. But, clearly I was entitled to my interest back and could they interest me in purchasing any C.D.'s with an attractive interest rate?

Fast forward a week and the interest has not been returned to my account, and in fact additional interest has been pinched from my account. I consider this nothing less than stealing at this point. The letter clearly states 30 DAYS - I've now filled out the w-9 3 separate times for this bank. What more can I do? I know the letter directs me to call . . . what else, a dreaded 800 number . . .

Dreaded is right. After holding for what feels like 10 minutes, listening to the worst possible music (I'd really rather have silence) I am greeted by a call center customer service rep. She can't tell me why the interest is still being forfeited or when I'll be getting it back. She can't tell me anything except that her department doesn't really deal with matters like this. WHAT?! Doesn't deal with this - well then, who does? Because the letter (which I am so grateful I saved) states at the bottom that if I have ANY questions in this matter to call this number. She'll check with her manager . . . please hold.

While on hold, the call drops. There's more to the story but I think this ending really sums it up. Customer Service, we will all miss you. Muzak, a monotone read "I'm sorry that happened to you", and the automated "please key in your account number followed by the pound symbol" will never replace accountable people with follow through.

Rest in peace Customer Service, rest in peace.